How to Fix America

Since American citizens took to the streets in protest nation wide last year, with special thanks to Anthony Balogna's pepper spray, I have taken a closer look at what's going on in our country. Those observations have lead me to the conclusion that the root cause of our nation's problems are ignorance and apathy. I've also observed that many American's are terribly interested in the outcome of sporting events.

So, I've developed the following step-by-step guide to solving America's problems:

Fixing America: A Step-by-Step Guide

1. Disband Congress.
2. Make sure every state has a professional team in the following sports: Football, Basketball, Baseball, Hockey, and Soccer.
3. Congressional decisions shall henceforth be decided by sporting events. One team will represent the 'Ayes' and one team will represent the 'Nays.' Winner take all.

Of course, the details still need to be filled in. Which sport will represent which national issue? Football for foreign policy? Baseball for domestic? How will it be decided which team plays for which Congressional decision?

I'm still hammering out the details, so suggestions are very much welcome.