10.26.2013

Metallic Liquid Venom

I can't say that I recommend trying to compose a symphony during an earthquake. I also don't think what I do qualifies as composing a symphony or that my first world problems qualify as an earthquake. Advice seems to like being wrapped in hyperbole, though.

Just do it - do it until you're good at it - do it because you don't feel like yourself unless you're doing it - those things are responsible for this. I've been trying to increase product quality - terribly self-conscious, particularly after Google plus. For the brave, G+ can cure elitism.

I spend a whole lot of time trying to figure it out though - what I need to do to make this work. Eventually, shut up and do it is all I am left with. I don't know that I'm comfortable calling it a character flaw, as 'they' say you have to love yourself before you're allowed to love anyone else - but part of what makes me such a special and unique snowflake is how good I am at not doing anything.

I could write pages and pages about what I'd like to do - but actually doing any of them requires facing the obstacles, risking failure - and what I think is scarier than risking failure, risking wasting one's time. Maybe that's wishful thinking - maybe fear of failure is sufficient. Someone once suggested I was more afraid of success, and my ego definitely lapped that shit right up. Still comes back down to fear of failure though - if you're afraid of success wouldn't it be because you'd still feel like a failure after you were successful?
Then what?

At least by not actually trying you get to pretend you have ideas that would work, and that feels pleasant. Once the die is cast though -