The Phases of Enlightment

Below are the phases of enlightenment. I shall continue to update this as I pass further along my journey to enlightenment.

PHASE I:  You realize Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy aren't real.

PHASE II: You realize professional wrestling is scripted and not a sport.

PHASE III: You realize that if God exists, every religion on the planet has it WAY wrong.

PHASE IV: You realize that the Republican Party gains it's strength by fooling those who have yet to achieve phase III, and feel good about yourself for being past phase III.

PHASE V: You realize that American politics is more like professional wrestling than you dared to think, and that the Democratic Party is the educated person's favorite wrestler.

PHASE VI: You write off the world as hopeless and look into yourself to find happiness.

PHASE VII:  You realize what you've been doing wrong.

PHASE VIII:  You finally understand the Truth of the Two Dogs.

PHASE IX: You see fear is the root of what you were doing wrong.

PHASE X:  You start to see fear affecting other areas of your life.

PHASE XI:  You stop feeding the black dog.

PHASE XII:  You realize what's been holding you back.

PHASE XIII:  You see the black dog in others.

PHASE XIV:  You sympathize, inform, and your realizations make you an example to follow.

PHASE XV:  You realize the soul is merely a wet dream of the ego and begin to question the benefit of your morality.